Chestnut

First, a joke from elementary school:


A man goes to a pet shop to get a bird for his wife on Christmas. There were many birds to choose from so he asked the pet shop owner which one would he recommend. The owner says, "Well, sir, I assume you're getting one as a Christmas present? Good! We have here a very special bird whose name is Chet. He sings Christmas carols if you light a fire under his feet... light a fire under his left foot and he sings 'Jingle Bells'. Light a fire under his right foot and he sings 'Silent Night'. Isn't that something?" he says, and he demonstrates. The bird sings like an angel, and the delighted man quickly buys Chet.
He gets home and on Chritmas Eve and gives the bird to his wife, who is thrilled, especially when he tells her about how Chet sings Christmas carols if you light a match under his left and right feet. Curious, the wife asks, "What happens if you light a match in between his legs?" The man, who has not thought of this before, gets a match and does just that. At that, Chet jumps up and screams, "Chet's nuts roasting over an open fire!"

And now for something completely different:

The socialist red china chestnut